About Me
Thanks for checking out my blog. I am Barbara and I believe that “all Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16 -17).
I am grateful for the riches to be found in Scripture and desire to treasure God’s word more than my necessary food (Job 23:12).
If you wish to read my testimony, I’ve included it below.
My Testimony
Well, if that’s the way God wants to get my attention, I want none of him!
These thoughts ran through my mind as my mother remarked gently that my son’s recent diagnosis of autism might be God’s way of bringing me closer to him. What kind of God would impose something so disabling, so hurtful on my innocent son just to get my attention….just to get me to worship him? Surely a loving God would find another way.
My sister and I grew up in a Christian home and our family was active in our church. My father led the Sunday school and was a lay preacher; my mother coached some of the children’s recitals and played the piano and organ in church occasionally. We grew up surrounded by Christian family friends. We were a close-knit family and our home was one of love. That love spilled over to the many friends and relatives that were always welcome in our home.
I left home at seventeen to attend university. I attended church now and then, mainly because it was the “right” thing to do. All science students were required to pass a Development of Civilization course to get their degree. This included a review of the Religions of Man. This stirred up doubts I had about Christianity. I believed in God but did not think that Christianity was the only way to him. I questioned how Ghandi was doomed to hell yet Christians I knew, who were less peace loving and charitable, could go to heaven. I concluded that all religions were trying to worship God; the religion of choice would be that which was predominant in the person’s culture. I decided that I could not accept a God that punished those in India that selected Hinduism, or that punished those in the Middle East that selected Islam. Challenges to the Christian faith were not encouraged and I was not satisfied with the answers received to the few questions I asked.
As the years went by, my attendance at church decreased and Christianity lost its relevance. I eventually married an atheist. His atheism initially made me think twice about a serious relationship with him, as I believed in some kind of a God. However my belief in God did not drive me to seek answers to the questions I had and did not significantly impact my life. His atheism was no longer an issue when he agreed that it formed the basis for good morals and values and promised that I would be able to expose our children to Christianity, if I so chose.
Our first son was christened in a church that I attended occasionally. This son developed typically until he was 30 months, when he stopped talking. After several months we arrived at a diagnosis of autism. For several years I did not attend church.
My second son was also later diagnosed with autism. For years I was too wrapped up in autism treatment and therapies and juggling my job and housework to give my spiritual life much thought. My second son was never christened.
Some years later my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I remember feeling particularly anxious about his health one evening on my drive home from work. Scripture from my Sunday School days came to mind
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden light” Matthew 11: 28-30
My prayer was quick and simple. I simply said that this burden was too much for me to bear so I was handing it over to God, whatever form He took. I felt such a sense of relief.
I then started attending church occasionally, visiting churches but keeping what I thought was a “safe” distance from the pastors and congregation so I wouldn’t be sucked in to any deep religious conversations or activities. I wanted to go to church on Sunday, feel as if I earned some brownie points with God, and then get on with my life. The minute they wanted to come to my house and pray or they invited me to a bible study, I was out of there.
My father’s cancer spread to his kidneys and his liver but his spirit and his faith never flagged. My mother was his primary caregiver and she was diagnosed with colon cancer. My father bounced back to take care of her as she underwent major surgery and recovered.
A few months after my mother’s surgery, I searched my town’s website for recycling information and found a link to houses of worship. I found a link to a Calvary Chapel in my town and decided to visit the church. I was warmly greeted as I arrived and I settled in thinking I would quickly categorize this church. I found the music lively and was pleasantly surprised as the pastor spoke in everyday tones. I was intrigued as the pastor read through the scripture, stopping to give the context of the times, the application for us today and reinforcing this with other passages of scripture. At the end of the service when he gave the invitation to commit to Christ I tensed. I felt drawn to accept the invitation but willed myself to stay still.
I stopped at the bookstore on the way out and purchased “The Case for Faith” by Lee Strobel, a former atheist. As I read this during the week the author’s handling of some of the objections that I had to Christianity fascinated me. I realized that although I still had some doubts, there was enough evidence for me to accept that Jesus Christ was God. If I did believe that he was the Son of God, sent by God the Father to pay the price for my sins, what was I doing pretending to live by my own terms? Why had I used these intellectual objections as an excuse to dismiss and ignore God’s love for me, His prescription for living and His plan for my life?
The following Sunday, despite lingering fears of what my husband, friends and colleagues would think, I walked up the aisle at church to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was unprepared for the wave of emotion and deluge of tears I shed as I walked up to pray. I was surprised at the joy I felt to be at peace with God, the creator of this vast universe, who desires an intimate relationship with me. I had no doubts then that this was the most important and the very best decision that I had and will ever make.
It was after making this decision that I began to understand my true need for a Saviour, what an evil and selfish heart I have. I had made the choice that Joshua laid out, a choice of life rather than death, a choice of blessing rather than cursing. Deut 30:19
I sat in the church pews for decades, not realizing that I was on the road to destruction. I did not understand the bad news, so previously the good news, the gospel really has little meaning. I knew a fair amount about God, but thought I was a relatively “good person”. I measured myself by human standards and thought that it was possible that I would make it if God graded on a curve. I wasn’t a robber, a murderer…a lot more people would fill up hell before I did, or so I thought. I now understand that man’s standards are not God’s standards and that the commandments, which every mortal man breaks, are there to point us to our need for Christ. Everyone has told a lie, Jesus said if you look at someone with lust, you have committed adultery in your heart, if you have hated someone, you have committed murder in your heart. No one keep the law or pay the fine for breaking the law, but God provided His son, who paid the fine in full on our behalf. He made Him who knew no sin to become sin for us, so we might be the righteousness of God in Him 2 Cor 5:21.
I am so thankful to God that He was patient and pursued me. No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him. John 6:44a The Holy Spirit urges us to surrender to Christ, although we ultimately make the decision. God placed me in a healthy bible-teaching church where the need for the individual’s personal devotional, bible study and prayer time is emphasized and where the opportunities to grow in Christ and for fellowship abound.
Before deciding to trust in Jesus, I thought that the Christian life was a boring, dry and rigid lifestyle. How wrong I was. My concerns no longer center on what my friends and loved ones think, but that they too may taste and see that the Lord is good.
There is not only peace with God but as a bonus there is the peace of God that withstands the storms of life. My father’s health declined and he died two and a half months after I accepted Christ. My mother’s cancer recurred and spread to several organs. Her pain and suffering lasted for several months until she passed on. My sons’ behaviors have also become more challenging. During these rough times, I’ve discovered how good and faithful God is. I am amazed at the comfort, strength, peace and joy that He provides. I have experienced His sweet soothing love and care while I am in the deepest throes of pain. The refrain from a hymn that I used to sing in church has new meaning to me
We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.
How GREAT is our GOD!
This is my story. I’d love to hear yours.
If you need any support or have a question, feedback or suggestion, you can use the form below to contact me.